A-ha!

So it's moved beyond pathetic now.

I had an "a-ha moment" probably the day after my last post and have put off that discussion for what is it, let's see here now, five months?!? But I digress...

Back to my "a-ha moment!" And I'm not talking about a flashback of my neighbor Mark C. imitating the Norwegian band in the shower....

Rather, as I sat back and over-analyzed why I don't sit down for 20-30 minutes each day to put thought to paper, I noticed a demoralizing pattern. My desire to write is there, much like my desire to do many things in my life.

And here's the realization I came to: if I can't have/do/produce/etc. something EXACTLY how I unrealistically envision it in my mind, in the typically unrealistic time frame I have placed on myself, I begin to question whether I should have/do/produce/etc. said thing at all. And thus begins my unravel!

Sometimes it ends with a half-baked result. Other times no result at all, with pieces/parts walked away from. And in most cases a massive sense of shame and failure that I secretly (so I have deluded myself to believe) carry around.

Stay with me now, this public self-analyzing thing is both therapeutic and rare, and is bound to get better.

This burden that I have placed upon myself gets HEAVY and I begin to shut down things. Most often I decide not to care. But I do care. This emotional wrestling becomes physically tiring as well.

Fixing the Disconnect...

It's pretty pathetic that I haven't posted a word since February. I created this blog as a way to share the many eclectic, new, interesting, and oftentimes odd ideas that make my world go around.

Thinking out loud:

• I have a lot to say;

• I love to write;

• and I certainly can make time to do what I want...

One would think, and that certainly includes my own thinking, that these three things combined would be conducive to maintaining consistent posts on one's blog created for specifically displaying said thoughts.

Apparently there is some disconnect.

It's not that I don't have tens, if not **cringe** hundreds, of topic reminders that I want to write about.

It's also not that my love for writing is diminishing. In fact, I find it very refreshing to display my creativity the the written word. At one time I even had a talent for it. Don't want to lose that talent by not using it!!

So it looks like it comes down to making the time to do what I want. I am busy. I am mother to three, wife to one (thank goodness), pet caretaker (outdoor of course), friend to many. And that's just the beginning.

So as I search for that fix to the disconnect, let's hear it for making time to do what you want!!